Farewell, 12oz.

hulu.com now offers first season of lost

Tab Please

Here's something I've been burning on for a while. How many times are you working on a huge project at work and find yourself continually reaching all the way over to the left to press tab? Tab is arguably the most effective and most underrated key on the keyboard, but it's so far out of the way. It allows you to navigate the screen without reaching for the mouse and has even more specific functions within programs.

I am personally a fan of the num pad. I spend probably half my day pounding SS#'s into a database. I like to lean on my left elbow and enter numbers with my right hand, making the tab key unreachable without contorting my body. I often think, "Man, I could do this 10 times faster if there was a tab key on the right." Enter the R-Tab.

Made by Wayne Wilson, the R-Tab is a keyboard with a Tab and an Esc key to the right of the num pad. It puts all the necessary keys within reach of the right hand, allowing for an easy and independent rhythm when using the num pad. Wilson says that when used properly the R-Tab increases productivity by 15-27%.

You're a genius Mr. Wilson. I'll take 50.

Where is Phillip

Everyone in their life time has used his screw driver but no one seems to wonder or care who he is. He mustve been a great man no matter how deformed his head is. Because if the design for Phillip's screw driver really does reflect his head, then I can see why he has remained removed from society. Phillip is a great businessman, and maybe he was excommunicated from the world for almost monopolizing the world. 90% of screws rely on Phillip's design.

Thank you Phillip, wherever you may be.

FOOTBALL SEASON IS HERE

Patriots training camp opens up today with a practice at 9:30 AM, and another one at 3:45 PM. This will no doubt be the start of another Super campaign. Nothing short of a fourth ring is acceptable. Expect big things from Belichick & Co. this year.

Greatest Movie Yell of All Time?

What's better than this?

Despicable

This reminds me, I now live across the street from Al-Hidaya. I'm trying to get Ashmiel over to hack into their router since he's a whiz with that stuff. Then I can go on Pure TnA on their connection and use all their bandwidth. I only wish my apartment was in the front of the house and not the rear, so I could fly the Flag of Israel right in their fat faces.

MaSHEENES

This is that freshman year shit right here.

PS: Marlin, learn how to resize your videos.

Is this cool?

Modern Warfare 2 Multiplayer Footage

Thanks to JackSparrow for sending this to me.



You're nuts if you think I'm going to go to classes that month. Troy PD is going to find me in my apartment around Thanksgiving like the "Sloth" in Se7en.

Contador and Armstrong Still Going At It

Even though the Tour de France is over and results are final, teammates Lance Armstrong and Alberto Contador as still battling eachother. Contador was recently quoted saying, "My relationship with Lance Armstrong is zero. He's a great rider and he did a great Tour. Another thing is on a personal level, where I have never admired him and never will."

Lance tweeted back, "Hey pistolero, there is no 'I' in 'team'. what did I say in March? Lots to learn. Restated. A champion is also measured on how much he respect his teammates and opponents."

The plot thickens with the news that Lance will ride again next year for the newly formed Team RadioShack. He will likely bring the team manager and many top riders from this year's Astana team over with him. There have also been rumers about my main man Andy Schleck joining Armstrong on Team RadioShack.

If you bleed red, white, and blue then you have no excuse not to watch the tour next year. The greatest rac ein cycling has been won by a spaniard every year since Lance retired in 2005. The yellow jersey belongs back in Austin, Texas, and there is no doubt that Lance will go "ball out" next year to put it there.

Foods Created for the Gods

If I was stuck on a desert island, I'd miss these foods the most.

HORSERADISH


MET-RX BIG 100 COLOSSAL BAR


SWEDISH FISH


SKIM MILK


KRAFT MACARONI AND CHEESE


SWEET POTATO FRIES


CORNED BEEF REUBEN

Gym Scum

Most people at the gym are normal moms, dads, and kids looking to sweat a little and exert some energy. However, there's some people there that must be written about. No matter what gym you go to, and what time you go, you'll always see these people:



Butch chick - Shows up with a weight belt, specialty lifting gloves, and tight black pants that emphasize her glutes. "She" outlifts half of the dudes in the gym and has tits the sizes of mosquito bites.



Skinny old man - Looks like he should be on the cover of a book about the Holocaust rather than the elliptical. He's already 0.5% body fat, but that't simply not good enough. Dude looks like he could get blown over by the breeze coming from the row machine. Get a Big Mac doggy.



MILF - Usually seen doing tons of cardio and ab work to try to lose that ponch she got when she popped out a couple kids. Stretch marks bring her down to a 7, but watching her do aerobics with five of her friends makes it all worthwhile.



Bicurious man - Checks you out constantly in the mirror across the room while rubbing his new rainbow tattoo. Speaks like Adam Lambert. Follows you to the bubbler and stands just a little too close for comfort.



Social butterfly - Won't shut up before, during, and after sets. He treats the gym like it's his personal soap box to spout his views on Christianity, politics, art, and literature to anyone who will listen. Especially loves taking 4-6 minutes between sets.



Roider - Only person in the gym who can pick up the 220 pound dumbbells. Bends the bar when he squats. Usually followed around by 2-3 minions for injections, spotting, and towel retrieving.

Sorry I've pulled a Marlin recently, I'll be back at it tomorrow

Tron 2 is gonna be real real

Please tell me you guys have seen the first one. Here's the link to see the non-cut-off version:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKT88pzgRwQ

Have a Great Weekend!

Dumbest chick on the planet

Have you ever felt like you just aren't as smart as the people around you? Then you should move to California and live near this chick who makes Miss South Carolina look like Einstein. I cringed through this whole video, it makes me so uncomfortable.

Some of my favorite quotes are:

"we live in california, this is our home, this is where we live."

"you freeze the fruit and vegetables and it will last forever"

"food is free... we only have to pay for the land... but the land is free... so we dont have to pay"

"the machine can make it for us"

"they're very good at making things"

"on the east coast they have slaves and slavery and made in china"

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Blast from the Past

Yeah Yeah, Im Back

Seinfeld Snippet

NEWMAN: You see, my dear, all certified mail is registered, but registered mail is not necessarily certified.

WOMAN: I could listed to you talk about mail all day.

KRAMER: Anything you wish.. I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: They're meaningless....

Caned for Drinking Beer

MacQuarie National News - A religious court in Malaysia has sentenced a tearful Singaporean Muslim model to six strokes of the cane after she drank beer in a nightclub, reports said on Tuesday.

Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, 32, pleaded guilty to consuming alcohol at a hotel nightclub in the eastern state of Pahang last year, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.

"We feel the sentence is fair after going through the prosecution's argument and since the rotan (cane) is provided for in the law," Pahang Sharia High Court judge Abdul Rahman Yunus said, according to the paper.

Look, I think Jamie Foxx said it best, even though it has 50 remixes. I mean, he said it perfectly. "Fill another cup up. Feelin' on your butt, what." Shukarno should have considered the laws of her own country before following Foxx into battle. What flies in America doesn't fly in Malaysia. You don't see Farva getting caned for ordering six Schlitzes. Besides, six strokes is a pittance compared to what she'd get in Iran.

And the hits just keep on coming

Oscar Meyer
David Carradine
Farrah Fawcett
Ed McMahon
Billy Mays
Steve McNair
Arturo Gatti
Michael Jackson
Robert McNamara
Walter Cronkite

and now

GIDGET, the Taco Bell dog

I Forgot Something Too

The Professor Forgot Something

Best Sean Avery Picture

I hate Sean Avery. But for some reason I find him so entertaining, at least when he's not playing the Devils. Here are a few pictures of him. Which one is the best?


Puck in Mouth

Avery and the Inmate

Avery in Costanza's hat

Middle finger


Avery's E60 interview

Theo Epstein Has Lost His Mind

Peter Gammons reported that we could have had Victor Martinez for Clay Buchholtz. You make that deal. Buchholtz is a Quadruple A pitcher. Martinez is a switch-hitting catcher with pop who's still fairly young (30) and would have propelled us to the title. We need bats right now, not arms. Plus, if/when he leaves at the end of next year, we'd get a first round draft pick as compensation, and possibly two. Instead we got Adam LaRoche for practically nothing. We'll see if he can come through, but that's not a sure thing like Martinez's production.

North Korea Gets One Right

OuckFbama wanted a shout-out for finding this

CNN - Bangkok - At a meeting of southeast Asian nations in Phuket, Thailand, a North Korean Foreign Ministry spokesman blasted Clinton for what he called a "spate of vulgar remarks unbecoming for her position everywhere she went since she was sworn in," according to the state-run KCNA news agency.

The spokesman called Clinton "by no means intelligent" and a "funny lady."

"Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping," the statement said.

I'm gonna be honest, I'm going to side with the ChiComs here.

Hans Brix, oh no.

Glad We Have Our Priorities Straight

Korean Government

For all the crap that we give our politicians, at least this doesn't happen in Congress. Except when Preston Brooks merked Charles Sumner, but that was in the 50s. 1850s.

Hot Tracks

These songs are fire right now.

Clipse- Grindin


Dizzee Rascal- Fix up Look sharp
HA HA HA


Game- Hate it or Love it

Drink Off

(Sorry for the awful pictures, I couldnt find any that match)

I've been having a disagreement with JT Marlin for a few years now and it gave me an idea. What is the greatest non-alcoholic (alcoholic soon to follow) drink on the market?

First up is me and Marlin's dispute.


Arizona Diet Green Tea

VS

Arizona RX Energy

Next Up..

Gatorade

VS

G2


more coming in a bit

ESPN is Racist

Shannon Brown

versus

(crickets)

for Ben Roethlisberger

Thune Amendment Defeated

Today is almost as disappointing as the Pats losing to the Giants. I'm not kidding. In case you don't know, Senator John Thune, from South Dakota, proposed an amendment to the National Defense Authorization Act (S1390) that would provide for interstate recognition of right-to-carry permits. For example, New York would have to recognize my valid Massachusetts permit. In this way, handgun permits would have been treated in the same manner as marriages, automobiles, etc.

This was an interesting piece of legislation, as Democrats have historically been against states' rights and the Republicans against expanded federal powers. However, there are too many states where one's right-to-carry and the Second Amendment are ignored, such as Massachusetts, New York, Maryland, New Jersey, Illinois, and California, off the top of my head. The Republicans decided that it was the federal government's job to enact legislation that made it easier for all law-abiding citizens of the United States to arm themselves, whether it be for sport, protection, or merely to uphold one's rights. Many Democrats agreed.

The amendment needed 60 votes to pass. The ayes had 58 votes, and the nays had 39, so the amendment failed. Had it passed, it would have become law when the Senate inevitably passes S1390. Obama would have had no choice but to sign the bill into law; a veto was not an option. It was a bittersweet end, as almost 2/3rds of the Senate was in favor of it, but ultimately not enough. Shame on Republican Senators Lugar and Voinovich for voting nay.

I commend Senator Thune, Speaker Reid (a Democrat), and the other 56 supporters of this bill. It shows that there is bipartisan support for the right to protect one's life, limb, and property, and it shows that the Assault Weapons Ban is probably dead for good. If the liberals could barely defeat this amendment, they wouldn't dare try reviving the AWB, which was a disaster for them in early 1990s. It also shows that there is a serious divide between the liberal Democrats and the more conservative ones that are worried about their jobs come 2010.

TDF: Stage 16 Recap

Unfortunately stage 16 of this years Tour de France was highlighted by a horrific crash by Team Saxo Bank's Jens Voigt. Jens is one of the more respected riders in the peloton. He gets on his bike everyday with the sole mission of blowing up the field on a climb by setting a pace that only a few riders can keep up with. He gets out on the road everyday and breaks himself for the glory of his team and leader Andy Schleck. Just after reaching the top of the Col du Petit-Saint-Bernard Jens slipped on one of the road lines and hit the pavement at over 50 mph. He was knocked unconcious and had to be revived on the scene before being airlifted to the nearest hospital. He suffered a concussion and a broken cheekbone and needed stitches to close up wounds on the right side of his body. Get well soon Jens. Footage of the crash can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZiim-stdcU&feature=related

There was no time lost or gained within the top 10 of the overall classification yesterday. Today is the last real mountain stage of the tour. Andy Schleck says that he is ready to attack. There will be no shortage of action in todays stage, as many riders are looking to make moves to improve their overall standing. Lance will most likely sit back and protect race leader Alberto Contador. Tune in to Versus tonight from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. ET for the extended race coverage.

Legalization of Weed

"There"s no doubt that the ground is shifting on marijuana"

"Sir, I'll have 2 Game blunts and an eighth please."
"Coming right up"

Imagine. You can walk to a corner store and buy weed. It would change America forever. And I would make so much money off it. The stores and services I would offer would change pot smoking forever. Imagine if you could call 1-800-POT-RIDE and have pre-rolled blunts delivered to your door. Legally.

My mind is running wild with ideas.




Sources
http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20090722/us_time/08599191211300
http://www.taxcannabis2010.org/

Guap's Dream Girl

Chicks That Have Ruined Movies

JackSparrow's idea


Rosie Perez as Gloria Clemente in White Men Can't Jump
She makes this movie unwatchable. I loved the rest of the movie, but it's just not worth watching with her horrible performance. I can't even do it justice here, it needs its own article. Remind me next week.
Effect: Brought the movie from a 9 to a 5.


Laura Harris as Paige in Going Greek
Tries her best to ruin a top 10 movie, and top 5 comedy, but ultimately fails. We just fast forward through the scenes with her in it. Makes no sense why Jake goes for her. He's a star QB who could have played at Notre Dame, and he's slumming with this beat sculpture major? Only flaw in an otherwise flawless movie. PS: The picture isn't from the movie, she looks okay here.
Effect: Brought the movie from a 10 to an 8.


Dakota Fanning as Rachel Ferrier in War of the Worlds
Here's her lines: "waaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." She ruined an otherwise decent movie. I mean the film wasn't great, but it was a solid 7 that was brought down to a 4 since my ears were ringing after leaving the theater. I can't handle Dakota Fanning. I hate her guts and she's a cancer that needs to be removed from Hollywood. Put her on a boat and send her to Iran as a peace offering.
Effect: Brought the movie from a 7 to a 4.


Demi Moore as Joanne Galloway in A Few Good Men
It's probably my least favorite favorite movie, if that makes sense, in no small part due to her. She says dumb things, gets outacted and outclassed by Cruise and Nicholson (and even Kiefer) at every step of the way, and is generally a nuisance. She even went behind Cruise's back to represent Downey. She didn't ruin it completely, only partially.
Effect: Brought the movie down from a 9.5 to a 7.

Sparrow wanted to include Jamie Lee Curtis from True Lies and Samantha Mathis from Broken Arrow, but I disagree for a couple of reasons. Curtis won a Golden Globe for her effort, I'm not familiar with the movie, and she showed us her tits in Trading Places, so she has a lifetime exemption. Comments on this matter are appreciated. Also, I'm not familiar with Mathis from Broken Arrow, I've only seen it once, and I remember the movie was pretty bad anyways. So it doesn't qualify.

Big Ben versus Brady

Phone call over.

Marlin and his Sister

Circa 1992

Separated at Birth?

Jayson Werth and Edge

By Special Request

Secret Society on C Street?

Coming soon!

The color yellow

You're cruising along, making great time. The lights green but you start to realize it's been green for a while. "I know it's going to turn yellow, that's just my f'n luck". Then without any warning it happens, you see the color that has caused more accidents than any other color, the color that causes more road rage than any other color, the most dreaded color in the world, yellow. F'n yellow.

Okay so now it's decision time. How fast am I going? How far away is the light? Is this guy going to go through, because if he does then I am. What if he stops and I smash his smart car and kill him? Any cops around? I don't see any. So many thoughts and questions run through your head you would think it was life or death. I don't care how calm a person is, it's hard to see yellow and not thrust your right foot to the ground. Even Ghandi runs yellows.

It's almost like you're being challenged by the car gods. This is your chance to live out your dream as a Nascar phenom. Muscle memory takes over and you flag down your blinker as you swerve your way to the checkered flag. You get a glance of the red light as you fly through the intersection leaving 2 asians and an 83 year old geezer eating your dust. Theres very few instances in the day that get your blood pumping like this. It's a moment we dread but we crave. Fuck you Yellow, today just aiint your day.

Studley Do-Right's Tour de France Update

Today is the second and last rest day for riders in this years Tour de France. Yesterday was a day where almost all of the contenders showed what they had, as it was the first mountain top finish in the Alps this year. As the field approached the last climb there were probably 80 or more riders in the main group. Then Team Saxo Bank's Jens Voigt took charge. He got on the front of the peloton and set a blistering pace for the first 1.5k of the climb. This left only about 15 or 20 riders in the main group, and the rest strung out over the mountain. Then Saxo Bank's Frank Schleck took the lead and that number was whittled down to just 5; Frank and Andy Schleck (Team Saxo Bank), Alberto Contador and Lance Armstrong (Astana), and Bradley Wiggins (Garmin-Slipstream). This set the stage for an ungodly acceleration from Alberto Contador. Andy Schleck answered but just could not keep up. Contador won the stage, finishing 43" ahead of Andy Schleck, 1'06" ahead of Frank Schleck and Bradley Wiggins, and 1'35" ahead of Lance Armstrong.

Overall Standings:

Alberto Contador
Lance Armstrong +1'37"
Bradley Wiggins +1'46"
Andreas Kloden +2'17"
Andy Schleck +2'26"

Contador is now in the yellow jersey and Andy Schleck is in the white jersey. After the stage Armstrong said that it is obvious who the best climber on the team and the best climber in the world is. He said that he is behind Contador 100% and if Contador wins it "I'm cool with that. I got 7 of them at home." Right now his interest is in having Astana in the yellow jersey in Paris, no matter who is wearing it.

There is a lot of tour left. 3 more days in the Alps and an individual time trial. Nothing is final yet but it looks like we wont see Lance winning his 8th tour this year. SDR predicts Alberto Contador winning his second and either Lance or Andy Schleck coming in 2nd, with the other finishing 3rd.

Where's Marlin?

Hopefully once you find him, he'll start blogging again. Click the picture for the solution if you need help.

Best Soda- Sprite vs Dr Pepper

VS

What is the best soda? This is a real tough decision. They both have times where they are better than each other. Then theres times where you stand at the refrigerator in a store and debate which one to choose. Its the classic light vs dark conundrum. I still dont think there is an outright winner, but thats just me. I'm not a doctor, I'm a professor.

Big Ben Accused of Sexual Assault

Lehigh Valley - Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been accused of sexual assault in a lawsuit filed by a woman in Nevada.

A defamation lawsuit was filed Friday in Washoe County, according to the Associated Press, and Roethlisberger was one of nine defendants listed in the online court docket report. Details of the report are not available, but Roethlisberger's attorney, David Cornwell, of Atlanta, released a statement to several media outlets Monday night saying the two-time Super Bowl winner was accused of sexual assault.

You wouldn't see Brady doing that.

The Perfect Crime

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Breaking News!

Proof finally emerges that President Obama is a citizen! Now we can all just move on.