Companies that need NASCAR

These companies would benefit greatly from having their logos driven in a circle for 3 hours:

1. Wawa - Great sub place in the Mid-Atlantic. They need to go national so we can all experience their free ATMs and their electronic sub ordering system that eliminates poor customer service. The best way to do that is by slapping their logo on Junior's whip. Possible drivers: Junior, JJ, Jeff Gordon.



2. Guinness - I'm going to go on a limb and say the nectar of the gods is not very popular in the NASCAR-loving South, where they usually curl Icehouse and Natty. Put the famous harp logo on Carl Edward's ride and that'll change. Possible drivers: Edwards, Ky. Busch, Denny Hamlin.



3. Chuckles - I buy these sometimes and I always get strange looks. How can it be so strange to spend under $1 for five jellies coated with a fine layer of sugar? They can even vary the flavor on the car depending on where the race is. Licorice for Detroit, orange for Florida, lemon for India when they get races there, etc. I'm telling you, put some Chuckles on Juan Pablo Montoya's Chevy and watch the sales skyrocket. Possible drivers: Montoya, Kasey Kahne, Ryan Newman (after he serves his drug suspension).



4. Legg Mason - No one is really sure what Legg Mason does, but I can promise you it isn't producing stone limbs for amputees. And no, they are not merging with Armm Sculpture to create a large stone limb congolomerate (kudos to a certain Zete elder for this thought). They need to start advertising heavily and letting the public know what they do, even if it is exploiting the trauma and sadness of replacing bone and flesh with stone and mesh. Legg should enter into an agreement with some of the lesser-known NASCAR guys, so they can scratch each other's backs. Possible drivers: Paul Menard, Marcos Ambrose, David Reutimann.