PhonyBryants Recent Encounter

Please everyone, when you read the following encounter do not be alarmed, no aminals were harmed in the telling of this encounter.......

 

I want everyone to put down their xbox controllers, take off their headphones, drop their pants and just listen..... Imagine what it would be like to take in the everyday encounters we have from a dog's perspective... Now, I know what your thinking, how come skim milk isn't served in vending machines, but hey there are more obscure things in this world.

 

Last night, I was laying in bed and heard my dog walking around, it was about 1 a.m. I thought to myself, what if I was a dog and had to fight a bear, for fun. This bear definitely had some prior fighting experience, and I'm just a house-trained canine, what in the world could I possibly do to beat this bear? And thats when it hit me like a right hook from Tyson in the 6th! I would need an ally to defeat this big ass bear. I definitely wouldn't want to befriend some salmon, cause bears eat salmon(by the way has anyone heard that dumb commercial where its like you are a bear at the time when all the salmon are swimming by and you have the mouth of a truck driver- STUPID). SO, like I said, I would definitely be looking for an ally of some sort, but this was proving to be of way more difficulty than I anticipated. Should I become allies with SamWise Gamgee or Ron Weasley? This decision had me completely torn, both of these guys were great best friends and had proven track records. Samwise took care or Frodo and Ron, well, Ron actually doesn't do shit.

 

So I become allies with Samwise and we hit up a few hot dog stands in the city, he didn't keep me on a leash or anything. We decided to start a company selling canned beets and we did real well for a few months, but as you all know, the current economy is brutal to new start-ups and Dwight Schrute already has a monopoly on that market in Scranton.

 

But lets get this encounter down to business. So I'm staring down this bear, shit is about to hit the fan. All of a sudden I get a bubble-like feeling in my stomach and I'm like O shit, I have to take a poop. REMEMBER, I'm a dog. I had Samwise wipe my butt a little bit with this fresh roll of Charmin toliet paper( did you know that when traveling to China you are expected to travel with your own roll of toliet paper, it is not provided to you in public restrooms). As soon as the that big ole' bear saw the Charmin toliet tissue I knew I had myself a huge problem. I started growling at this dumb bear, I think his name was Ray. He was wearing a flanel and had a book bag full of pencils, what a weirdo.

 

It was clear this bear wanted my toliet paper. I said to him "bear, there is no way you are touching my toliet paper." He was like "grrrrrrrrr", this bear couldn't even speak, must be Winnie's cousin. I was like "hey Pooh bear" and the bear got pissed. He came charging at me on this skateboard, he didn't have his helmet fastened. I evaded his first blow because I'm a dog. He fell off his skateboard and received a huge scrape on his knee, so we patched it up with a band-aid and put some neosporin on it before we started fighting again.

 

Samwise was just sitting on the side of the pond twiddling his thumbs looking real stupid so I had him go fetch me some cement so I could pave my driveway later. Anyways, Me and this bear are going at it big-time, non stop sparring, then I just jumped off this huge rock and ripped his throat out. Then I went to cold stone creamery and stuck up the register and told jokes.

 

Moral: Man's best friend truly are amazing creatures.

Thank you to PhonyByrant for this.