Why Jackie Chan should star as me in my autobiography movie

Thanks to TigersOtherCaddy for this post

At some point in my life there is going to be an autobiography filmed about me, let’s be real. However my life is not very interesting. I wake up, go to class, work out, study, etc. People do not want to see that. That’s why I will cast Jackie Chan. Now when I am walking to class, he is flipping off benches, scaling walls to enter the class room through a window, and kickin doors down. People would pay to see that shit. He will turn my mundane everyday life into 4th of July fireworks at Disney Land.

He will do all his own stunts, of course, and I want Drunken Master like kicks all day. When he portrays me playing golf, he will break clubs over his knee (or fellow golfers) after bad shots. On the baseball field, crazy diving catches at shortstop. During family time, he will be sitting at the dinner table right next to my brother and you won’t even be able to tell it wasn’t me.

To get into shape for this role, Jackie has to put on a few pounds. Secondly, work on crushing beers to be able to get that aspect of my life correct. In real life I party pretty hard with my best friend. Jackie Chan will show that by not just chugging beers, but by chugging beers while round house kicking people I don’t like in the face. Chan will also show my smoothness of picking up girls with my friend as my wingman. And who will play the role of my best friend? Chris Tucker, DUH!